Ah, the beer flick...

Last weekend, while in Chicago visiting JJ and Megan, I had the good fortune to see Wedding Crashers at the Brew & View, an old converted theatre where patrons come to see a double feature for five bucks and drink the beer that can be purchased at the two bars in the back of the room. This, like many things tend to do, got me thinking. What are some of the best drinking movies? Now, I'm not talking necessarily about movies that involve a lot of drinking, though some of the ones I'll mention do, but about those during which viewers might particularly enjoy a few brewskies.

Of course, The Big Lebowski warrants first mention. My old roommate and compadre Bridger introduced me to this film, which I saw for the first time (for all you Griz alumni) in Urey Lecture Hall. I know that people have tried to match the dude white russian for white russian while watching this film, but that's impossible, and it's just inviting disaster. No one wants to consume that many mixed drinks in 117 minutes. I've also heard of people playing a game in which participants have to take a sip of their drink every time someone says an obscenity. If the white russian for white russian thing is inviting disaster, this other game is inviting death itself. I mean, seriously, the dude knows how to swear. But the point is that this film must be one of the best drinking films since it is so absurd and since it has inspired such hard-core drinking games in the past. I'm sure there are reasonable ways to practice structured drinking during The Big Lebowski, but I haven't devoted much time to thinking of them. Suggestions, perhaps?

Top Gun seems to come to mind at this point, and I know JJ and I have often suggested playing a drinking game in which participants take a drink every time there's a reference to sex. A bit extreme, perhaps, but nothing like the swearing game accompanying The Big Lebowski. In any case, Top Gun's classic cheesiness seems to lend itself to the sort of mindset involved in drinking beer while watching a film. And this film is so familiar to many of us that we don't even have to pay much attention to it while we watch. I know I could flip off some belligerent mig pilots and make a pass at my flight instructor while fetching beers from the fridge.

But anyway, even though I've only suggested two films, I'm calling it a blog. I'm sure there are many possibilities here, and perhaps over this season of holidays some of us will get together and explore them.

Lines of coke? In Jersey? Never...

My friend Jeff claims that Method Man saved Garden State when, in the motel hallway for voyeurs where his patrons watch the motel's guests having sex, he says, "Who here just saw some titties? Raise your hand if you just saw some titties!" While this is clearly a pivotal scene in the film, I propse that it is but one in that film's long line of similar absurd yet somehow enlightening moments. Of course, since this is a blog and I don't want to bore all of you, I'm only going to talk about one.

The one I'm thinking about occurs just after Andrew Largeman takes out his old motorbike with the sidecar that his grandfather left him for the first time in the film. He's speeding down the road when a policeman pulls him over. The cop takes a hard-ass attitude the moment he steps out of his cruiser, and when Largeman attemps to respond to his initial question, the cop says "Shut up!" and Largeman turns around. The cop then says, "Put your motherfucking hands on your head...please." As the cop approaches, Largeman does a double-take when he realizes that it's his old high school friend Kenny. Largeman says, sounding a bit indignantly shocked, "You're a cop now, Kenny? Last time I saw you, you were doing lines of coke off a urinal." Then Kenny puts his fingers in his ears, says, "Lalalalala," and then makes some remark about having to move on and grow up because he wasn't making shit at "that fish market" and because he was having trouble getting laid.

This cop scene, I think, does a wonderful job of expressing the sort of bizarre, post-Generation X vocational wandering around that seems to be going on these days. While I can admit something of the scene's absurdity, I think it does illustrate how good people of our age seem to lose their authentic selves for the sake of gainful employment. If Kenny was a party animal who liked to do lines of coke off urinals and had a job working for a fishmonger, so what? Why isn't that a valid lifestyle? Why should such a guy have trouble getting laid? Poor Kenny. Here's to hoping he gets shot in the line of duty so he can collect that fat workman's comp check about which he seems so excited.

"I'm here for the gang bang."

There’s a scene in the film Old School, close to the beginning, in which something momentous happens. It occurs after Mitch Martin takes the early flight home from San Diego and catches his girlfriend Heidi “pre the act,” so to speak. Mitch walks into their bedroom and finds Heidi on the bed watching porn, and then sees two mostly-naked, blindfolded strangers come out of the bathroom ready to “doubleteam” his girlfriend. But the scene I’m really talking about, shortly after that traumatizing scene, is the one in which Mitch and Heidi are speaking in the kitchen after the blindfolded strangers incident. The doorbell rings, Heidi gets this “oh-no-I-forgot-about-that” look on her face, and Mitch answers the door. Outside the door, there’s a man with 70s looking curly hair and a cheesy outfit who says “Hello.” Mitch says “Yeah,” to which the man responds, in a very comfortable tone, “I’m here for the gang bang.”

So first of all, this tacky, doorbell ringing guy is actually played by Todd Phillips, the director of the film, who is credited for said performance as “Gang Bang Guy.” But more importantly, have we appropriated this Hollywood gem or what? Since Mariah and I live in a large apartment building, people have to call up so that we can buzz them into the lobby. It’s not uncommon, particularly for Jeff and Josh, to call up and say “I’m here for gang bang.” For me, at least, this NEVER gets old, and so I encourage all of you, next time you come over and need us to buzz you up, to say “I’m here for the gang bang.” It’ll lighten the mood and remind me of one of the greatest comedies Hollywood has ever produced.